‘Will my Firstborn Hate Me?’ …and other fears when pregnant with #2

This post was written by our first guest blogger, Kelly from Corner of Happy.  She writes about some of the fears and doubts that are common when you are pregnant with your second baby and how to rethink those doubts.  This is some great advice for all of us first time moms who are thinking to grow our families!

Having a baby, whether your first or fourth, can be a tiring experience for even the most seasoned parents. From difficult deliveries to sleepless nights, it is amazing how quickly you forget (or entirely minimize) the tears and exhaustion that having a newborn brings about.

You may be at the point where you and your spouse have had some ample quality time with your first child. You loved being a parent so much that you’ve decided to bring another bundle of joy into the world. Eventually, the “Let’s have a second baby!” anticipation seeps in and you fill up with excitement.

Honestly, there is no better feeling than deciding to expand your family with a second baby. But then, some point during late pregnancy, the realization sinks in that you will no longer be a family of just three. You may be completely exhausted from chasing your oldest child around and you may wonder if your energy will ever come back once the new baby comes.

As your due date nears with your second baby, the new baby jitters may increase and you may even begin to panic slightly. However, having these thoughts are completely normal!

I’m here to tell you that, no matter what doubts cross your mind, there’s a silver lining for everything. As someone who just had a second baby, I promise that a positive spin on these overwhelming thoughts will have you ready to become an incredible mom of two.

Second Baby Worry #1: Will my Firstborn Hate Me?

You, your spouse, and your oldest child have had some time to learn how to function as a family of three. Your firstborn, no matter what age, is used to having your undivided attention. At the same time, you are used to giving all of your attention to one child. So how is it going to be when the second baby gets here?

As a parent of two, you may worry about giving each child adequate attention. You may even think that one child is starting to resent the other or begin to resent you as their parent.

How are you ever going to make each child feel special? How are you going to convince your oldest child that you still love them just the same? What if your firstborn never speaks to you again and runs away?

Think of it like this instead:

You are about to give your children the best gift you could ever give anyone – a sibling.

Sure, your oldest child may regress or throw the tantrum of a lifetime once the new baby arrives. However, you need to remember that this difficult transition is only temporary.

You can help the transition be a little bit easier for your child by talking about the new baby’s arrival often. Depending on the age of your oldest child, you may need to do some educating about babies and their constant needs.

When I got pregnant with my second baby, we put together this Big Brother Kit to help my oldest begin to understand that a baby was coming (and to make him feel special about becoming a big brother).

Before you know it, your two children will be playing with one another and you will begin to wonder how they ever survived without each other. By blessing your children with a sibling, you are able to teach them how to love in a way they would have never experienced otherwise.

Second Baby Worry #2: Will I have any time to myself?

With one kid, you may have difficulty finding even 30 seconds of peace and quiet to use the bathroom. You honestly can’t remember the last time you got your haircut or your toes painted. Also, can someone please tell me when the last time I drank a warm cup of coffee?

We get it! Being a mom means always being on your feet and responding to your child’s every need. It’s only natural. Now, with baby #2 on the way, you see yourself getting stretched more thin than ever before.

As you may know all too well, the unfortunate truth is that self-care for moms is always the first thing to get thrown out the window. It’s in our nature to put our children first.

Think of it like this instead:

You need to remind yourself that the days of having a newborn are numbered. Before you know it, your children will become more and more independent. Pretty soon, they won’t need you for anything.

Promise yourself, and have your spouse hold you to it, that you will make self-care a habit. As always, you need to remember that it’s important to recharge so you can continue to be the best mama for your little loved ones.

Second Baby Worry #3: What am I getting myself into?

Finally, you may think that you are in over your head with having two children. The thought of having to revamp your routine as a family can seem like a massive undertaking.

As a mom, you often wonder if you’re doing enough for your child. Are you reading to them enough? Have you made sure that they had the appropriate servings of fruits and vegetables? Do you make your child feel valued?

You may think it’s a small miracle when you survive the day with your oldest child. But, with all of these worries, you may wonder how you are supposed to keep everything in check with two kids.

Think of it like this instead:

No mom is perfect. Keep in mind that all those moms on social media sharing their perfectly planned outfits and healthy meals had to fight their kids to wear and eat those things. Everyone has good parenting days and bad parenting days. Pretty much, we are all faking it until we make it!

So, savor the moments of crazy. Live for the spontaneous days. Give yourself grace for not leaving the house (or out of your pajamas) all day. Most importantly, forgive yourself – you’re doing amazing.

Thanks again to Kelly at Corner of Happy for writing today’s post.  Please check out her blog, as she has tons of great advice for first and second time moms!

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About

I'm Kelly! I am a millennial mama to (almost - due in a week!) two sweet boys. I am currently a stay-at-home mom and I totally believe that being a Mom was created just for me. Through sharing my successes with parenting, raising a toddler and an infant, managing a household, and keeping my sanity, I hope to help other mamas out there.

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